By It’s Been a Journey Podcast Host: Shenelle Ball-Green
Let’s Be Real for a Minute
If relationship mistakes were an Olympic sport, I’d probably have my own Wheaties box by now. I’ve been there — hearing God’s “no” and still boldly saying “yes.” And then, like clockwork, asking Him to bless what He clearly told me not to touch. That’s like telling your trainer you’re cutting sugar… while hiding a cupcake in your gym bag.
In love, especially before marriage, it’s so easy to let your heart make all the decisions. They look good, they make you laugh, they text you “good morning beautiful” — and suddenly, your prayer time has been replaced with phone refresh time. Deep down, the Spirit is whispering This isn’t the one, but your emotions are doing a full gospel choir: But Lord… have you seen him in those jeans?
Today, I want to have a grown, real, and maybe slightly uncomfortable conversation about being unequally yoked — and why we sometimes love it anyway.
What It Means to Be Unequally Yoked
A lot of people think being unequally yoked only means “Christian” versus “non-Christian,” but it’s much deeper than that. It’s about two people headed in completely different directions spiritually, emotionally, or even in life purpose.
It’s when you’re running toward God and your partner is strolling toward comfort. You want to tithe, they want to spend. You want to pray, they want to binge Netflix. You want to serve, they want to sleep in. That’s not just a difference in hobbies — that’s a difference in heart posture.
1. Spiritual Misalignment
When your spiritual priorities don’t match, it’s not just a disagreement — it’s a constant tug-of-war.
Natural consequence: Frustration, compromise, and sometimes silence about your faith to “keep the peace.”
Spiritual consequence: Your growth slows, and purpose feels heavier to carry.
Scripture: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers…” – 2 Corinthians 6:14
2. Settling for Potential Over Purpose
We’ve all been guilty of falling in love with someone’s “potential.” We tell ourselves, They’re not there yet, but I can help them get there. Here’s the problem — you can’t marry a dream version of a person. You marry who they are today.
Natural consequence: Waiting and waiting… and getting tired of waiting.
Spiritual consequence: Your assignment gets put on hold because you’re trying to speed up theirs.
Scripture: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” – Proverbs 13:12
3. Choosing Desire Over Discernment
Sometimes we confuse attraction with anointing. Chemistry feels like confirmation, and we convince ourselves that “God understands” when we’re ignoring His voice.
Natural consequence: Emotional entanglement and soul ties that are hard to break.
Spiritual consequence: We start tuning out God to feed what we want.
Scripture: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” – Proverbs 14:12
4. Why We Love It
Let’s tell the truth — sometimes it feels good. The companionship, the attention, the comfort of having “someone” can make us overlook the cracks in the foundation.
Natural consequence: Dysfunction starts to feel normal.
Spiritual consequence: Our hearts get numb to God’s warnings.
Scripture: “The heart is deceitful above all things…” – Jeremiah 17:9
5. Dragging Someone Who Doesn’t Want God
Trying to pull someone toward God when they’re content standing still is exhausting.
Natural consequence: Feeling spiritually lonely in the relationship.
Spiritual consequence: Your own faith gets heavier and harder to carry.
Scripture: “Can two walk together unless they agree?” – Amos 3:3
What Usually Happens After the Wedding Bells
If we ignore God’s “no” and marry anyway, here’s what often comes next:
- Spiritual drift – you stop pushing as hard for God’s best.
- Burnout – you’re constantly trying to “fix” them.
- Resentment – you remember the warnings you ignored.
- Isolation – you can’t share the deepest parts of you.
- Delayed destiny – your calling feels like it’s on hold.
How to Realign with God’s Will
If you realize you’ve stepped out of God’s alignment, there’s hope:
- Repent and admit the truth to God.
- Seek Him first again (Matthew 6:33).
- Set clear boundaries.
- Get wise, godly counsel.
- Fast and pray for strength and clarity.
- Stay in the Word daily.
- Surrender the outcome completely.
Five Self-Reflection Questions
- Am I being spiritually fed or starved in this relationship?
- Do I feel closer to God since we got together?
- Which red flags did I choose to ignore?
- What would I tell a loved one in my position?
- Am I trying to save them, or am I serving God?
Two Books to Read
- “Boundaries in Dating” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend – A must-read for setting healthy relational boundaries.
- “The Sacred Search” by Gary Thomas – Perfect for anyone serious about marrying with purpose.
Closing Thoughts
When God says “no,” it’s not to punish you — it’s to protect you. Love is beautiful, but it should never come at the expense of your peace, your calling, or your walk with God.
If you’ve been here before, or you’re here right now, know this: you can realign, you can heal, and you can choose better next time. God’s plan for you is still good.
💬 Question for you: Should I turn this into a full series on ignoring God’s “no” in relationships? Drop your answer in the comments.