By Shenelle, Host of It’s Been a Journey
When people hear my story—that I’ve been married five times and divorced four—they often pause. Some are shocked. Others are curious. A few are silently judgmental. But I’ve learned not to shrink in the face of someone else’s assumptions.
Because what they don’t know is this: I’ve grown with every “I do”… and every “I don’t anymore.”
Yes, I’ve talked about what I learned from divorce. But today? Let me share what marriage has taught me. These are the things I thought about—and maybe, just maybe, you’ve thought about them too.
Marriage Isn’t What They Told Us It Would Be
Growing up, I thought marriage was about love, stability, and forever. But I quickly found out that love is layered. Commitment isn’t just about not leaving—it’s about consistently showing up, even when it’s hard. Even when the butterflies stop fluttering. Even when silence fills the space where laughter used to live.
Each relationship showed me that love evolves. If we don’t evolve with it, we start performing in a role we no longer fit.
The Side Stories No One Talks About
Let’s go there.
Marriages come with moments. The side chic drama. Blended family tensions. That one phone call that changes everything. I’ve lived through it all. And what I learned is this: betrayal doesn’t define you, but how you respond to it just might.
I learned to speak up for myself. I learned boundaries the hard way. I learned that keeping your peace sometimes means walking away from chaos wearing confidence instead of bitterness.
Each Marriage Was a Mirror
Each marriage held up a mirror to me. I saw my strengths—my loyalty, my ability to forgive, my hunger for love. But I also saw the parts of me I needed to work on—my need for validation, my silence in moments I should have screamed, my tendency to hope without seeing the truth.
Marriage doesn’t just teach you about your partner. It teaches you about you—what you settle for, what you tolerate, and what you believe you deserve.
Starting Over Doesn’t Mean Starting From Scratch
You’d think that after four divorces, I’d stop believing in new beginnings. But I haven’t. Every “new start” came from a place of hope. I don’t regret trying again. I regret staying in places that dimmed my light.
I’ve stopped seeing failed marriages as wasted time. I now see them as part of the curriculum for my personal growth. I passed some tests. I failed a few. But I’m still learning. Still becoming.
Questions I Leave With You
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve loved and lost—or you’re trying to figure out if the love you have is worth fighting for. Here are a few questions to sit with:
- How has love changed for you over the years?
- What boundaries do you set to protect your peace?
- How has your relationship shaped how you see yourself?
- What have you learned about your capacity to begin again?
- What does emotional resilience look like for you now?
Take your time. Be honest. Your answers might surprise you.
I want to leave you with this promise from God’s Word:
Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re not done. You’re being refined. Every twist in your journey is being used for your good.
It’s Been a Journey will release episodes every Monday, featuring incredible guests who are brave enough to tell the truth about their lives.
Make sure to:
- Follow the podcast
- Share your thoughts in the comments
- Tell a friend who needs to hear this
- And most of all… keep journeying, no matter how many detours you take
Because the truth is, the things you thought about might just become the things that heal you.