Relationship or Rehab? How to tell if you are being Loved or Just Used

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With Host Shenelle Green & Co-Host Cherrell Banks

When it comes to relationships, not every “togetherness” is healthy. Not every “I love you” truly means “for better or worse.” And not every “we’re in this together” is about shared responsibility. Sometimes, what we call a “relationship” is actually just a rehab program you never agreed to join.

On this episode of It’s Been a Journey Podcast, I, Shenelle Green, alongside my co-host Cherrell Banks, take a deep and sometimes humorous dive into the difference between a real relationship and a rehab relationship — and why so many people are unknowingly stuck in the latter.

What is a Rehab Relationship?

In a healthy relationship — whether friendship, dating, marriage, or business — there’s a sense of cooperation, respect, and mutual care. You pour into each other, encourage each other, and respect boundaries.

But a rehab relationship? That’s when:

  • You only hear from them when they need something — money, a place to vent, or emotional energy.
  • When you call, they’re “too busy,” but when they need you, your phone rings non-stop.
  • They decide how the relationship will run — ignoring your boundaries — while fiercely protecting their own.
  • You’re their safe space, unpaid therapist, and problem solver… but when it’s your turn for support? Silence.

As Cherrell and I discussed, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 makes it plain:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

If the relationship you’re in doesn’t look like this, then it may not be love — it may be rehab.

5 Examples of Dysfunctional Relationships (and How to Fix Them)

1. The Emotional Vampire

  • Behavior: Only reaches out when they need to unload but never checks on you.
  • Resolution: Set healthy limits and suggest they find other support outlets.

2. The Conditional Lover

  • Behavior: Love and affection only show up when you meet their demands.
  • Resolution: Require consistency. Love should not be performance-based.

3. The Public-Only Partner

  • Behavior: Posts you online but is absent in real life when you need them.
  • Resolution: Have honest conversations about emotional availability.

4. The Boundary Breaker

  • Behavior: Enforces rules for you but refuses to respect yours.
  • Resolution: Stand firm — mutual respect is non-negotiable.

5. The One-Sided Business Partner

  • Behavior: Wants the credit for success but disappears when work is needed.
  • Resolution: Define clear roles and accountability before moving forward.

Reflective Questions to Check Your Own Relationships

  1. Are my relationships adding to me, or only taking from me?
  2. Do I feel valued, or just used?
  3. Am I compromising my boundaries to keep someone in my life?
  4. Does this relationship reflect the love in 1 Corinthians 13?
  5. If nothing changes, will I still be okay staying in this relationship a year from now?

Final Thoughts

Relationships are meant to be a two-way street, not a revolving door where you give and they take. As Cherrell Banks and I shared in this conversation, love should heal, build, and protect — not drain, dictate, and destroy.

It’s time to ask yourself: Am I in a relationship… or in rehab?

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